Here’s my version of this cereal:

Here at Kellogg’s we want to bring your attention to the plight of the wild animals throughout the world by creating something delicious and natural! Of course by “natural” we mean any object that has its origins on the planet earth with a radioactive half-life of greater than 1000 years.

Take a look at our second ingredient for example. SUGAR! There’s nothing more wholesome and condusive to you child’s girth…er…GROWTH than that of sugar! It’s delicious and has no real nutritional value. However it’s NATURAL!

Please note that this product is Kosher but does have traces of soybeans in it. This is due to the fact that we use genetically manipulated corn which has been spliced with genes from soybeans to render a more protein enriched product for your health! And it’s NATURAL!

So try our new “Wild Animal Crunch” and picture the baby seals on the box when you are eating it. And remember our favorite joke here at our company:

A baby seal walks into a club…