Inflatablesheep’s Weblog
Velcro gloves are your friend!Archive for November, 2007
Business.
So I was thinking about the company I work for.
It’s a privately held company that pretty much answers to no one but the two individuals that own it. Getting them to spend money gives “blood from a turnip” a new meaning. I’m not using that derogatory. If you had a company that had been in your family for three generations you’d be a little cautious about spending millions of dollars as well. It’s not easy putting your own nuts on the line and not those of shareholders. There is no golden parachute for a privately held company (but hopefully after a number of good years you’ve put some you-can’t-touch-me money away…).
So what do you do?
Easy. Well maybe…
First, because you are a privately held company and don’t have to reveal your financials, you have an advantage over most of the competition. You can buy a share of the competition (provided they are a publicly held company) and get a copy of their financials. This means you can see all claims against them, their net gains and losses and determine the health of that company. Then you can figure out what it is you need to provide to the people they supply (e.g. service, guarantees, costs) in order to get the business.
Figure out your costs of the maximum improvement you want to incorporate (add 10% – contractors and engineers always fudge about 10% to get their foot in the door. What are you gonna do – not complete the 15 million dollar project? Riiiiiiiiiiight.) Then give the owners some options (ie.e We don’t have to do this, this and this but we can rough in this, this and this for the future). This way they have a contingency plan: They are given the option to spend less money to see how the business pans out.
Maybe that’s a bit too simplistic. But isn’t it true that the more complicated you actually make something, the more simple it really is?
Chips.
So I was in the store the other night and I got to thinking about what the Lay’s delivery person told me about snack chips:
“Always pick the bag in the back.”
Why?
Well let’s think about the physics!
If the vendor places the first bag in the back of the rack and then places subsequent bags in front of it, then the bag in the back gets the least amount of “crushage”.
The vendor places the bag in the back and places another bag in front of that one while trying not to crush the one behind. However, they are most likely required to fill the display as full as they can so as they get closer to the edge of the display they cram more in. The energy is absorbed by all the bags behind it. Yet since they were so careful in placing the first couple of bags, those are the most likely to have whole chips!
It works in my head. At least it did the other day…
The Test.
So a friend of mine took this test.
I bit. I clicked on the link and answered the questions honestly.
Simple. A few clicks and done.
So here are the results:
The Portait of the Mastermind (INTJ)
Of the four aspects of strategic analysis and definition, it is the contingency planning or entailment organizing role that reaches the highest development in Masterminds. Entailing or contingency planning is not an informative activity, rather it is a directive one in which the planner tells others what to do and in what order to do it. As the organizing capabilities the Masterminds increase so does their inclination to take charge of whatever is going on.
It is in their abilities that Masterminds differ from the other Rationals, while in most of their attitudes they are just like the others. However there is one attitude that sets them apart from other Rationals: they tend to be much more self-confident than the rest, having, for obscure reasons, developed a very strong will. They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population. Being very judicious, decisions come naturally to them; indeed, they can hardly rest until they have things settled, decided, and set. They are the people who are able to formulate coherent and comprehensive contingency plans, hence contingency organizers or “entailers.”
Masterminds will adopt ideas only if they are useful, which is to say if they work efficiently toward accomplishing the Mastermind’s well-defined goals. Natural leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once in charge, however, Masterminds are the supreme pragmatists, seeing reality as a crucible for refining their strategies for goal-directed action. In a sense, Masterminds approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity. To the Mastermind, organizational structure and operational procedures are never arbitrary, never set in concrete, but are quite malleable and can be changed, improved, streamlined. In their drive for efficient action, Masterminds are the most open-minded of all the types. No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained-if it is useful. Masterminds are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them. They are also alert to the consequences of applying new ideas or positions. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the Masterminds. On the other hand, Masterminds can be quite ruthless in implementing effective ideas, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy.
Interesting.
The Dream.
So I had this dream last night. I don’t remember a lot of it but I do remember some.
I was riding a bicycle down this alley way. But this alley way was strange! It looked like on the sides of the alley there were giant mole hills. We were riding as fast as we could to escape this blob of a monster. I look back and – it was a mole-thingy!
I say mole-thingy because it looked sort of like a mole but stood upright like a yeti or something.
We came tearing down the alley and then the mole hills turned to doors at one point. So to escape the mole monster we ducked into one of the doors.
And I woke up.
What does it mean?
Wait. I know. I’m gay. No, I’m SUPER gay. That’s it.
I hate moles. They even haunt me in my dreams.
Moles.
I hate moles.
They are supposed to be these cute little creatures that help keep the population of bugs down. However, there is a well-known side effect.
I reiterate: I hate moles.
They were fine when they were in the back yard. There were a few hills here and there but nothing that couldn’t be managed. Live and let live was my attitude. Notice I say “was”.
Now they’ve moved to the front. With a passion. It’s like they hold something against me personally! There’s 31 hills the last time I counted. And now…
Now they’ve dug out a post in my fence. Not just any post but a post that supports one of two large gates that give us access to the RV parking. Not that we have an RV but our neighbor, Roger, does and he uses that area for HIS RV.
So Roger shows me the problem. It’s a problem that can only be solved with a fuckton of beer and/or vodka, a sack of Concrete, a shovel and an maybe a new post.
What did I ever do to you you little vermin? *shakes fist*
I had a rat when I grew up as a pet! I don’t wish rodents any harm but dammit leave my yard alone!
So. I’m now looking for some mole repellent. Or a 12-gauge.
The shopping cart.
So I went to Albertson’s today to get some food for the party we are going to.
And I forget the list. Yet AGAIN! *exasperated sigh*
See I have this thing where I forget shit all the time and it drives me nuts. It must be short term memory thing. I’m brain damaged!
Anywho. I see the line of three carts and, in the middle, are the carts that have the cup holders. I’m thinking “SCORE!”. So I grab one, walk into the store and proceed to put my cup in the cup holder. And then this happens.
ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So I send to flickr and walk towards the vegetables while Hope texts me what she remembers was on the list.
Avocados. Ok. Gotta get some. 10 for $10! Sweet! I get four.
I look at the cart and then my mug and have an epiphany. OMG! I can just hang it over a piece of the cart! YES!
I am smarter than a shopping cart! GO me!
I proceed to finish what was on the list that I didn’t have: mushrooms, soda, chips, meat, lemon cake, creamed corn for cornbread.
And I’m checking out and see this girl walk in. Now it was funny because she stops at an end kiosk and plays with her hair while looking at squeezable jelly. Trust me when I say this, she wasn’t dressed for squeezable jelly. You don’t go to the store and stop to play with your hair at an end kiosk full of squeezable jelly.
So I thought that was odd. I continue to check out at the do-it-yourself-you-incompetent-moron register. And she comes up and uses the one behind me.
Then I notice the shoes. They are like 3 inch extruded not-quite-plastic-but-not-quite-styrofoam material. Whoa. Those look COOL!
So we walked outside and I asked her if I could take a picture. She looks at me like I’m crazy and asks, “Why?” with a somewhat snide look on her face. I say, “Because they are COOL!” and she smiles. So I take the picture.
She posed! I thought that was funny. People are pretty good really. Some can be asses but it’s the nice ones you run into from time to time that make things worthwhile.
This is just my life that I continue to forget about and forget to tell people. It’s not that I don’t want to share these things – it’s that I really can’t remember.
Enjoy!
The Gym.
So I said I’d write about the gym in the previous post. So here it is.
Sometimes there’s people that just come along in your life and say something that’s so obvious, “I don’t understand why people don’t just do it.” So I did.
I didn’t drink last night. I decide that at about 7ish I’ll go workout. So I get off my ass and put on my shorts and sneakers and wonder out to the gym. Prime Fitness is a pretty cool place for anyone in the Buckley/Bonney Lake area who want to get in shape.
So I get there and am indecisive about what machine to take. I mean I’m fat. I don’t want to get next to someone who is working out and thinking, “That guy is a whale, stinky and ugly.” Maybe I’m not but that’s just how I think…
So I find a machine. There’s no way around it. I have to exercise next to someone. So I get on the eliptical trainer, turn on my techno music and start. I have do so.
As I’m gettin into it I start to pedal backwards. I notice the woman next to me starts to do the same.
“Interesting” I say to myself.
After about a minute I go forward again. She does the same.
“Hmmm…” So now the question is: Do I fuck with her?
Duh. Of course.
So I start to pedal backwards. Sure enough she does to.
I take a drink of water. Yup. You guessed it.
This goes on for about 20 minutes until she’s done. I’m trying not to laugh on the outside.
The ass kicker question is: Did she do it knowingly or unconsciously?
Ninja!
So I was thinking tonight – am I a ninja in a former life?
I say this because I prefer to leave no trace that I’ve been somewhere. I mean none. I try to make sure that where ever I go, I’ve taken care of making sure that nothing was out of place when I left.
However that means that I have to have had a good idea of what things look like when I got there. Which implies some really good scanning techniques.
Here’s the kicker: How is it that I can remember THAT shit, but not what I did 27.2 minutes ago? Is the thing that is most important to me my surroundings? Am I so ready to leave without a second notice that I want to make sure that no trace of me ever existed?
Or exists?
I say that because I tiptoe around the house. No, seriously. I’m 6′3″ and 280 pounds. I’m fat – let’s get real. I drink, I sit on my ass, I’m fat. I know why this is but, at this point I choose to do nothing about it. Although I did get some motivational advice from someone that said, “I don’t see why people don’t just go out and do it”. So I went to the gym last night. That’s another blog though…if I can remember.
So yea. I tiptoe down the hall and in the bedroom. I tiptoe to the car although there’s no real reason to. I’m just quiet. I like quiet. It enables me to talk to myself. Yes, that sounds weird but sometimes you just need to talk to yourself.
I scare my wife unintentionally. There was this one time I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and she didn’t hear a thing. So, coincidentally at the same time, she has to go. She makes her way into the bathroom and damn near sits on me before I say, “sweetie.”
There begins the worst shriek I’ve ever heard. I’m mean dogs two blocks away were like, “DUDE? WTF?”
And I continue to do it. I’m still quiet and scare her all the time.
So is being quiet a bad thing? What does it mean?
Some will say that it doesn’t mean a damn thing. I think that there’s a reason that I just want to be quiet. It’s THAT reason that scares me.
Rite Aid
So I went to Rite Aid to pick up a prescription. I pay for the item and have to sign a piece of paper
<<pen doesn’t work>>
<<I shake the pen and try again with no luck>>
Sheep: This doesn’t work.
Rite-aid pharm tech (a.k.a. Cashier): I just can’t win.
Sheep: No one ever does.
Rite-aid pharm tech (a.k.a. Cashier): <<friendly laugh>>
See what I meant in my head when I said, “No one ever does” is that no one ever wins. Ever.
Why? Because we all die. Game over. The end.
I don’t give a rat’s ass if the pen doesn’t work. I’m going to die sometime in the future so big fuckin deal if your pen doesn’t work.
Now if it was a Viagra pen I might be worried.
Taco Quiche.
So I was thinking about people that don’t cook.
“I don’t like to cook.”
“I don’t know how to cook.”
“I don’t have the time to cook.”
So for you, here is a recipe!
Taco Quiche
1 package taco seasoning
1 lb. ground beef
3 eggs
1 ½ cups milk
½ cup jack cheese
1 frozen pie shell
Chili powder
Prepare the taco meat according to the package directions.
Mix the eggs and milk together and blend well.
Prepare the pie shell for a one-crust pie according to the directions. Pour the meat in the prepared pie shell. Pour the egg-milk mixture over the meat. Top with shredded jack cheese. Sprinkle with chili powder.
Bake at 350 for 45+ minutes or until a knife inserted is still barely moist. Jiggle to check to see how set the quiche. If the quiche is still jiggles a bit, then bake for 5 to 10 more minutes.








